Relationships [and related things]

[PippinMcGee]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. *hugs* What always makes this so much harder is that it was someone who you were completely emotionally attached to - relationships where you didn't have that much of a connection are always much easier to get over!

I think you should wait until his birthday, like you said - A simple message like "happy birthday, how have you been?" and then judge on from his response. If he's a tool then you're better off without! I hope I don't sound too blunt here but you said it was three years ago... well, that's a long time to hold onto hope. At best, maybe try some civilised closure on things where you can move on with your life. You're trying to make things better but don't over-exert yourself to do so. Do what you can but if he doesn't try back, then he's not worth it.

*hugs* You never really DO get over these kind of things though - there's always that tiny 1% of you that thinks wistfully of what could have been. The first guy I ever liked messed me around so badly - after me liking him for three years and us becoming incredibly close friends in those years, we ended up kissing one night. He was the first person I'd ever done anything with, and he knew that too, and I thought "YES! This is finally it!!"...

And then he didn't speak to me for six months and when he finally DID, it was to tell me he had a new girlfriend who, when I met, I discovered LOOKED LIKE ME. D:

However, he ran in the same social circles as me so we inevitably ran into each other at parties and the like. I spent about another six months feeling like a complete and utter fool and being completely EVIL to him when I saw him but eventually I realised "hey, this isn't doing anyone any favours." Four years later and I still see this guy every now and then when we bump into each other at parties. We can chat and get on civilly and I'm genuinely happy that he's got a new girlfriend who makes him happy but there's always a tiny part of me always thinks "Damn, we could have been SO good together."

I wish you the best of luck with things. I really do hope that things go well with this guy and that you don't get hurt again *hugs*

[NaomiOfC]

i think we have a relationships guru ^

[PippinMcGee]

*looks around wildly* Where?!!

[melloni88]

Thanks hun <3

I guess three years does seem stupid but remember that I haven't made any move to speak to him in all that time...I have been waiting for an apology but haven't been so pathetic as to beg for one. It's hard to explain why it still has a hold on me I guess, but it just does.

Also, I would just like to point out, Duane is 100% gay so those sorts of feelings haven't ever been there xD But we were more than friends if that makes sense?...I mean we lived together, we had a 'song' lol Like a sexless relationship I spose? Haha :/

[xAngelPromisex]

I guess when you are that close with someone, they will always be in your heart, no matter what happens.
Yes, i really understand the relationship that you had with him. I still what i said before - that if i were you, i would contact him once, like send him an email and just ask him how he is and stuff like that, and see where it goes from there. The hardest part is not knowing what could have happened so at least by trying, you'll know whether he thinks your relationship still exists or not.
Good luck

[thfan]

Mar 13, 2011 21:03:05 GMT 1 melloni88 said:

Urgh...I don't know how to start this really....maybe a brief history would be good first

So, basically I met my best friend at college - we had a wonderful relationship and everything was lovely. We could tell each other anything, even stuff we had never been able to explain to anyone else...it was more like a platonic relationship than mere best friends, to be honest.

Then we moved to London together. At first everything was still great but he became more cold and distant with me over time (to the point he called me clingy for hugging him goodnight - even though that is what I had always done). He stopped talking to me and I started avoiding him so that I wouldn't have to face how far apart we were drifting.

Then the final blow came - he decided to move out of our flat and only gave me two weeks notice. I was already pretty angry about this as it could have meant I'd be stuck in the flat with strangers but I swallowed it down and carried on anyways.

Then, when I was in the middle of moving all my stuff out he allows this girl to move in to the flat without having had her contract looked at or her references checked. Basically, I had no idea who this girl was. For all I know she could have taken all of my stuff in the night and nobody would have found out. So, of course, I called the landlord in a rage - I didn't even think of talking to Duane because, at this point, I felt he wouldn't listen. Or tell me I was overreacting.

A few days later I get a call from him - asking me why I called the landlord and didn't talk to him first. At first I managed to stay calm, but then he started going on about how 'clingy' I was and 'un-independent' and I lost it. It all came spilling out - I told him that he seemed to not have any emotions anymore, that he had basically become a robot and was only interested in having people around who were 'useful' to him. I also pointed out that I didn't understand why he was still friends with me if he hated so many core things about my personality. Needless to say, I told him I wouldn't be speaking to him for a while.

I told myself that the only way I would ever forgive him was if he apologised.

Three years later.

So, for some reason he didn't delete me off of facebook (until today - which is the reason for this post), and so, in my head there was always this chance in there...this temptation to message him and try and find the person I once knew again. I know distance builds enchantment, and I certainly find myself thinking more about the good times these days than the bad...but I still remember what I promised myself, that I needed an apology before I could see myself being friends with him again. But am I being the petty one? Would it look pathetic for me to email him and ask him if he still feels there is anything there left to salvage? I'm not sure I want to put my heart on the line like that but on the other hand I am also not sure if I want to keep thinking about how we both might have thrown away something special.

Basically, I have no idea what to do...

Thank you if you actually read this whole post <3

Aww thats horrible. It must be so difficult to deal with having someone you are so close to, can talk to about just about anything and then to lose it like that.

Hope things work out for you if you do try and contact him.

[melloni88]

Thanks guys <3 I hope it works out too...or that I can at least move on from it.

[NaomiOfC]

nathan gave this girl my bbm yesterday & today when he was at my house me & this girl were talking & then nathan started texting her on his phone & he wouldn't show me texts & when he did he was flirting with her. i got so mad with him i didn't even give him a hug goodbye. it was more of him saying "i'm just gunna go" & me saying "k." & then he left.

i was so close to dumping him. but i told him what is wrong & that if he wants to flirt with girls, then he can't be with me. but he told me i'm his world & he can't see himself with anyone else & he promised he's gunna become a better person.

selkhdg i actually hate relationships it's unreal.

[NaomiOfC]

um. so. last night i went out with some friends & i sorta fell for a guy & i slept in his bed & we kissed but i don't feel bad about it 'cz i'm planning on breaking up with nathan soon anyway :/

[stephnehh]

OMG the babe copied my hair again.
we got evacuated from work near the start of the day for like 2 hours and we got outside and i just saw this briiiiight red head and was like OHMYDAYS!
he has red hair too now. ;D

but yeah, the whole time we were outside he kept looking at me and total shady looking away when i looked at him too.

then we moved near him and he looked sad so we asked if he was okay but he said he was just cold then we spoke to him about how it would be great to have a big duvet to sit with when we get evacuated xD

then he went to get food and came back and then laura and stuff got there so we were standing speaking and even she noticed he kept looking too.

then when i was finished work i walked past the cafe and he must have got fucking WHIPLASH with the amount of times he looked at me and away again in such a short space of time!

SUCCESS. ;D ish....

[NaomiOfC]

me & nathan broke up today

[turner]

oh. how do you feel about it?

[NaomiOfC]

not fussed at all. he's starting to get a bit obsessed with me tho :/ sdhsdg i've met someone new anyway. his name is andy. i met him when i was still with nathan, me & him shared a bed & kissed & now i'm single, we've both told each other we like each other a lot but he's gunna ask me out in a few weeks/a months time so it don't look bad on my part. but yh, we kiss & stuff now so i guess we're seeing each other but not official. sdghjsg ;D

[NaomiOfC]

andy asked me out yesterday morning at like, 12am. we had just been drinking in front of a bonfire with some friends & i was getting tired so he carried me to our tent & we lay there talking for ages & then he was like "fuck this. i can't be arsed to wait to have you as mine, i hate just 'seeing you', be my girlfriend naomi" skdhg :3

he lives like, at least 40 minutes away from me so we don't see each other all the time but it's nice when we do. i'm seeing him tomorrow at a house party & then again on saturday for the cinema & possibly on sunday for this Ashbourne tradition thing where everyone in Ashbourne gets wasted the night before a bank holiday monday.

lsdkhg ;D

[NaomiOfC]

i went out camping (& getting wasted) last night & on the bus home this morning, my friend chris said this:

i had a man chat with andy last night & he told me that he's really happy to have you & that he's never felt this way for a girl before, like, he never fell this hard for either of his exes & each time he looks at you, he falls in love with you a little bit more.

slkedhg omg :3 >.<